And, by "Smokin", I'm talking Carl Pelini style; give me another hit off of that bong, Carl. Of all the stupid things that college football coaches have done this season, Carl Pelini just raised the bar of stupidity beyond the Earth's atmosphere. How in the world do you manage to get caught blowing weed? Answer, just go to a party and take a hit off of the joint that's being passed around. Never mind that 80% of the crowd has a camera phone just waiting to post your picture on any social media network. I don't care if he took one toke or twenty; he took "one toke over the line" too many.
Moving on. Next on the menu is the lying athletic department of the University of Miami. And by lying, I'm talking about the bogus attendance that was listed for the Wake Forest game. The announced crowd was just north of 66,000; however, from the looks of the ACTUAL PEOPLE in the stands, the attendance was more like 25,000. The other 40,000 must have showed up wearing invisible ghost costumes, or something to that effect. Hell, I thought Alabama Birmingham had moved their home games to South Beach, with the looks of that crowd. Who am I kidding, UAB hasn't drawn 25,000 fans for ALL of their home games combined, this season. Last night's NFL match up between Cincinnati and Miami, drew a crowd of 52,000 people; and, by looking at the crowd, the stadium appeared to be at three-fourth's capacity. Kudos to the NFL for being able to count correctly, as opposed to the University of Miami, who counts people like Nevin Shapiro counts his money. By the way, Miami has only had ONE sell-out all season; the Florida game; and, thanks to the Gator fans for that situation because 30,000 of them showed up to assist Miami in filling up Sun-Life stadium, or whatever it's called.
I realize that I'm giving Miami fans a hard time; but they deserve it. The team is 7-0, and nobody is showing up for the games. Why? Maybe because the last two games, Miami has struggled to beat the likes of Wake Forest and North Carolina. I'll guarantee you this fact; come Saturday in Tallahassee, the Canes will see a sell-out; and probably witness a beat down, as well. Be still my heart, I just love it every time that Miami lays an egg. Heck, I even popped in the 1992 Sugar Bowl game, a couple of days ago; you know the game I'm talking about; the one where Alabama clown-stomped Miami, 34-13. One of the greatest plays of college football occurred in that game. The play where George Teague came from 15 yards behind Lamar Thomas, and chased him down and took the ball away from him before Thomas could reach the end zone. If you ever get to see that play again, take a look at the Miami players and coaches as Thomas is streaking towards the end zone. They go from jumping and celebrating to the agony of, oh no, not again. Now, before Mobilecane22 comes riding in on his high-horse and flapping his yapper in defense of Miami, and accuses me of being a hater, I'll save you and him the suspense: You are damn right that I'm a bona fide Miami hater. I laugh my butt off, every time that they lose.
Next up, let's add a couple of coaches to the proverbial hot seat, shall we. Congratulations to Bo Diddly Pelini and Will Muschamp. Of the two, Muschamp has the best shot at saving his job for one more year. Pelini is gone. I base that on three things. First, he manages to lose four games every year; and that number has the potential to be higher for this season. Second, his cussing tirade from two years ago that managed to surface following the UCLA loss, this season. And finally, third, that modern art masterpiece that he coached at Minnesota, last week. Both Picasso and Rembrandt would have been proud of that signature painting that Pelini delivered.
Now, it's time for the entertainment weekly report, or the comedy relief section of this diatribe; my attempt to pick the games correctly (chuckle, chuckle). I have to laugh to keep from crying because I'm doing so great (cough, cough). Last week, I was 6-4, with 37 corn flakes. Not too good. For those that are keeping count (and I don't know why that you would), I'm at 364 points and 94.0%, for the season. The won/loss record now stands at 63-27, which is exactly 70%. Oh well, let's see what I can screw up with this fantastic (NOT) slate of games that ESPN has thrown at us, for this week.
Miami @ FSU (10) - I think that you already know which way I'm leaning concerning this contest. No need to explain any further. Does Miami have a chance. Yes, they have a 50/50 shot at winning the coin toss, and that's all folks. Canes go down in flames, 48-17.
Auburn (9) @ Arkansas - I was going to mention something about Bret Bielema above; nevertheless, I ran out of time and space. Just put him in the Bob Stoops/Steve Spurrier category of running his yapper, when he shouldn't. For those that don't know, ole Bret has been complaining that Auburn altered the game film that the Tigers sent for his Hogettes to view. Uh Bret, if you don't like what Auburn sent you, just ask ESPN to forward you a copy; or better yet, just DVR the damn game yourself. What a complete idiot. Take the Tigers to score a few extra "butts" here, 37-17.
Wisconsin (8) @ Iowa - Oh boy, my favorite team is once again on the pick'em sheet, Iowa. Why in the world does ESPN throw us in the corn field every week. I'm sick of this nonsense. Iowa is becoming my Notre Dame West. Iowa can't manage to win two B1G games in a row. At least I'm banking that Benny and The Jets; excuse me, Bucky and The Badgers will throw the children of the corn, into a toxic waste dump. Taking the Badgers to eat a lot of ears of corn, over the Hawkeyes, 31-17.
Boise State (7) @ Colorado State - Tough to draw any advantage on this game. Going on name alone, here; which is probably a bad idea; however, I can't move any other game to this position. Plus, the number "seven" hole has been very unkind to me, this season. Just chalk it up to another FINE selection by the Einsteins at ESPN. I will not be surprised if Colorado State wins this game, so I'm doing all of you a favor by picking the Broncos over the Sheep, 34-31.
Oklahoma State (6) @ Texas Tech - The loser of this game is out of the picture in regards for the Big-12 championship race. Gundy seems to have Tech's number because his Pokes have won the last four in this series. Add that to the fact that Tech is coming off its first loss to the other team that is from the Sooner state; and, you might see why I think the Red Raiders will lose both ends of the Oklahoma Daily Double. Taking the Cowboys over Texas Tech, in a close one, 31-28.
Georgia (5) vs Florida @ Jacksonville - Finally, the stadium that the Jaguars call home will actually see a full house, for the first time this season. What is usually known as the world's largest outdoor cocktail party, has lost a little of its luster, for this year's edition. The only reason to give the Dog pound the nod over the Gators here; Georgia is not as beat up as bad as Florida, in regards to injuries. Plus, Gurley is back for Georgia, so give me the Dogs to eat some lizard tails, 24-19.
Michigan @ Michigan State (4) - I'll bet that Bo Schembechler turned over a few times in his grave with that porous defense that Brady Hoke's bunch had on display against Indy-freaking-anna. Forty seven points, are you kidding me. The next time I want to see a 63-47 game, I'll tune in to watch Michigan and Indiana play basketball. As for the the Spartans, they actually had a little offense last week, to go along with that stingy defense; and, we all know that DEFENSE wins championships. So give me Sparty to spank the Wolverpuppies, 24-20.
Northwestern @ Nebraska (3) - Well zippity freaking doo dah, another useless game. Strictly taking Nebraska because they are at home, and nothing else. Would it surprise me if Northwestern wins; nope. The Wildcats went "oh fer" in the month of October. Could a new month make any difference; perhaps. Either way, I don't care. The Cornhuskers over Northwestern, 30-28.
Virginia Tech (2) @ Boston College - What is ESPN trying to do to us; bore us to tears with another stellar match up? Heck, I've never seen so many meaningless games in one week. Have any of you actually seen Boston College play this season. They are about as Vanilla as a team can be; and, Virginia Tech is not much better. However, Tech might have enough in the tank after being gassed by DUKE, last week. Look for the Gobblers to fly a little higher than the Eagles, 20-17.
North Carolina (1) @ North Carolina State - Now, to the "Who Cares" game of the week, make that the YEAR. I have one question for the nerds at ESPN, why does this modern art masterpiece have any business being on the pick'em slate? Just when I think the noobs at ESPN have reached a new low, they prove that they can go lower; right to the center of the Earth's core with this fine selection. I'll take Carolina for one point, and by one point, 28-27.
Man, this week was taxing because of these FINE selections that Big Brother sent us. I'm down right exhausted. If ever there was a week where you needed to "tread at your own risk," this is the one, so be careful. Until we meet again, everyone have a great and safe weekend. Enjoy the games; well, the meaningful ones. Roll Tide.
Jljmbake
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